Every morning I wake up thinking that they found a cure or that it was all just a bad dream. But nope. This shit is real. I am getting older and there is nothing I can do about it. I know we are all in the same boat. Our hair is falling out or turning grey, wrinkles are forming across our faces, and we can only last a mere two and a half hours in bed with incredible women like Regan Budimir. Why is this happening to me? Why do I now require ten painful minutes to recharge instead of the standard five? My word. Is there any hope left? Science, I am in your hands now. Bring me Eternal Spring.

• Regan Budimir
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