Sorry to break your hearts, strong guys, but I got a man now. He is in immaculate shape. He can squat 350. He shaves all of his body hair on a nightly basis. He can do a full split with minimal effort and he hasn't eaten a carb since early 2019. Best of all, my man isn't the jealous type. If I want to have a three-way, we both jump on Tinder to look for recruits. He's into Hispanic "bad boys". Golly, I adore him. -ZL

• Zoey Luna
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